I just found out my son has been meeting with a priest for some time and is well along in his decision to enter seminary. Why didn’t he talk with me?
Try not to be offended or hurt that your son didn’t confide in you until now. When men are thinking about whether they have a calling to the priesthood, they often wish to keep things confidential from the people closest to them until they are ready to talk about it. Rest assured your son does need and want his parents’ support and encouragement – probably more than anybody’s.
We are not a very religious family and I’m just shocked that my son has expressed a desire to be a priest. Where did this come from?
Family traditions and expectations influence children in a variety of ways. The beliefs they develop from parents come to them sometimes in explicit lessons, sometimes in more subtle ways. Your beliefs and actions may have had an impact on your son far beyond what you expected or intended.
What if I feel that my son is not worthy of this calling?
This is a concern commonly expressed by men who are thinking about the priesthood. It is not necessary – and not possible – to have led a sin-free life. The priesthood requires certain skills and abilities but it’s not for the perfect – it’s for the person who desires to serve God and his people.Priests are real people who at times struggle with their faith, their commitments and their abilities. The process of being in the seminary will help your son work with his gifts and weaknesses, and will help him to discern whether it is indeed the right path for him. The best thing you can do is encourage your child to be faithful to God’s call whatever that may be.
What if my son enters the seminary and it’s a mistake?
It is possible that your son could spend a short time or even a few years in seminary, and then decide it’s not for him. God’s will is that your child be happy, fulfilled and living a life that makes the most of his talents. There is nothing shameful about trying it out and then realizing it is not for him. The time spent is not wasted because your son will have grown to know himself, including his goals, values, strengths and potential, a great deal better. He will also have had the opportunity to grow in his spiritual life and love for Christ.
I’m worried that my son will be lonely living a celibate lifestyle.
Every human being has some lonely moments, whether he or she is married, single, priest or religious (brother or sister). Priests acknowledge their need for companionship and activity by enjoying friends, family and recreational pursuits. A celibate life can be a fulfilling life.
I feel like I’m losing my son.
If you have been accustomed to having your son close to you, you may feel his absence when he enters seminary. This is similar to any parent whose child leaves home to go to university – there is often a transition period during which the parent feels a sense of loss. Your son will be encouraged to maintain and develop family relationships while in seminary and after ordination.
Will I be able to see him while he’s in seminary?
Yes, you will be able to visit. Seminary life is much less restrictive today than it was a generation ago. Seminarians today have free weekends where they are able to return home and are encouraged to maintain relationships with family and friends.
How can I best support my son as he is making his decision?
Prayer will help. Listen without judging or criticizing and reassure your son that whether or not he decides the priesthood is for him, you will love and accept him. Don’t start treating your son differently, and be honest with him about your worries and concerns about a vocation. Ask your son whether he wants to keep his decision-making confidential from others for the time being, and reassure him that you will honor that if he does.
I’m sad because this means I’ll never be a grandparent.
This is a common response from parents but in fact there are no guarantees you would be one even if your son had not entered the priesthood. In time God will bless you, in ways you may not understand now, through your son’s happiness.